A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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