You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
