I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
