Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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