you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
