I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
