yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Small penises have feelings too.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
