Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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