You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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