Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
