So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
