Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
