you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
