1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
