I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
