went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
