It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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