Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
