god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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