I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
either way he was missing a nipple.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
