Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
