WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
