i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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