how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
