so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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