I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
