Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
