saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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