So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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