I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mom said you looked used
You're a waste of cheezeits
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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