Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize