If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
