It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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