Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
