I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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