some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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