You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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