Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
