You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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