I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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