That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize