what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
