Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
