i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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