I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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