We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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