She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
