Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish I only lived at night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
