Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
