you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
