shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
