the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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