i barfeds in our rink
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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