The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
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im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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