It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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