just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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