All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
