OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
