the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ttyl tear gas
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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