Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
