i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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