drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
