this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
