Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
