I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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