I didn't shave. On purpose
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
