I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
