I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
