is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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