he was CRYING into my vagina
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
