I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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