My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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