I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
