Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
