Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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